December 16, 2012

I am lucky ...

Posted by Xun  |  No comments

Every time I read about the Connecticut shooting at the elementary school, I cried. Still I could not escape the news, the images, the wailing of parents, the scared eyes of the survived children ...

Today I made chocolate-marshmallows and chocolate chip cookies, as I was making on them, my kids filed into the kitchen, happily took one then went back to watch their video. I did not even say No.

I know how lucky I am. I can hold them, kiss them, feed them, talk with them, watch them smile, throw their little temper tantrums, and squabble.

I can even not imagine what if my kids, any of them, was one of the little kids who were shot by some crazy gunman. The possibility of such craziness and unfathomable tragedy filled me with terror and sadness. I will never know how the parents of the kids who were killed would cope, or unable to cope, to face the Christmas, the new year, the forever and ever long road stretching in front of them.

Just darkness.

It is late at night. One by one, the kids are going to bed. They each said: Mommy, I love you forever and ever. Yung, the little one, tightly loop his arms around my neck, quickly fell asleep.

All is quiet and peaceful.

I know I am lucky. Each of them has their little problems. Annya teases Yung a little too much. Annya like to be whiny like a baby. Emma is shy around strangers. Yung is little shy too. But they are all incredibly sweet and happy, with bounty of easy smiles.

I know I would never have to face the madness and sadness, fears and worries that the other moms with violent kids have faced. Not in any foreseeable future. Not by any twists and turns of fate.

They talked about gun controls. To me, why it is even possible that someone is allowed carry crazy weapons; they are looking for motives for the killing, but how any motive is a "motive" for such atrocities?

There are so many things that are beyond reason or comprehension. But now, I just hold on the truth that I am so lucky.

Sunday, December 16, 2012
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