February 05, 2009

Little conversations about birth and death and dad

Posted by Xun  |  No comments

Sometimes Emma and I have very serious conversations on some very big topics. Like the following:

Conversation in the evening before my birthday:
Mommy, how old will you be tomorrow?

Is that old?
It is old. (I pretended to cry)

Mommy I do not want you to be old I do not want you to die (Emma was almost crying)
Oh, 38 is not very old, just a little.

Mommy will you look the same tomorrow?

Mommy will you stop growing? How can you stop growing. I do not want you to grow anymore. I do not want you to die

On the night I planned to get married:

Mommy, will Louis come to our house tomorrow?

Will he go home after that?
No, he will stay overnight.

Why he does not go home?
Because I want him to stay with us, it is too far to drive back. Do you want him to stay?

Do you want him to be your dad?
Yeah!!! I like that. Now I have two dads, one in China, one here. I have one Mommy.

Do you like him?
Yes, he is the most special guy.

He loves you and Annya very much and he will be the dad of you and Annya.
But Annya cannot even talk ...
That does not matter. She will learn.

So Louis will be your dad too?
NO ...

Will you have those beautiful dresses?
No, that is for wedding. I do not want to have a wedding.

Because it is very expensive. I do not want to spend that much money. And you can be beautiful without spending a lot of money.


Mommy, if you do not want to get married, when I grow up, I do not either.
But, yes, I want to get married, I just do not want to have a wedding.
Will I have a beautiful dress?

This morning I tried to get a phone number from Leo, to no avail.
Mommy, who were you talking to?
Your dad's sister, Leo's sister. She would not even give me his phone number. I think he is really a bad guy, a bad dad. I do not even want him to be your dad.

Why? (Emma was on the verge of tears)
Because as a dad, he is supposed to help his children a lot, spend a lot of time, visit, contact, do things ... He is supposed to help me to take care of you and Annya.

(I could not even begin to explain how Leo has failed to even sign a quit claim to me as we have agreed, and how he has failed to pay one penny to his kids)


Mommy, daddy does not help you, can I help you?

Thursday, February 05, 2009
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