October 03, 2006

Am I miserable?

Posted by Xun  |  5 comments


I am pregnant and I am not feeling well, nauseated and tired all day. I stopped writing for my blog. I sleep whenever I can. I ignore that there is a mountain of laundry to be folded (Leo took them to laundry), dinner unprepared, dishes unwashed. I left everything for Leo to take care. I signed up for Emma for a dance class, however, I give up taking her to the class at all.

I am moody, gloomy all day and all night. I sometimes pick up fight with Leo, but mostly, I am too tired to talk. Sometimes, I look at my reflection on the sidewalk windows, my brows are deeply knotted into frowns.

However unlike sick people who tend to lost appetite, I eat more, even every food tastes bland or even bitter, as awful as never before. Worse, I think of food all the time, especially the foods I savored in my childhood, extra spicy and tasty and with three children fighting for every bite. How I am homesick.

I wonder what is the little devil that is rooted in my belly? I read those articles such as "pregnancy week by week", which is meager in description, overflowing in spirit, searching for the secret of the little creature that is growing and claiming more and more of my comfort zone, I could not find much info.

Gosh. Am I miserable.

I admire people with boundless energy and boundless commitments, and better, with boundless success. I marvel at those would-be moms who walk swiftly with big bellies and radiate pride. However, all I can manage is to lump into a couch or bed, doing nothing, feeling sick and sorry for myself.

I therefore think of future and, for the first time, shiver at the thought of aging, illness and disability. There are many people who live happily and richly despite getting old, my parents among them. Actually in my observation, they are happier. Their marriage stronger, their life more comfortable, their friends many, they are at peace with their past, present, future and proud of their children. However, I am afraid I could not be. I am afraid I would be dragged down by arthritis, near blind eyes, sore arms, legs and back, or even just headache. I am afraid I would be withdrawn, lonely, sour, and bitchy like the old fat lady next door.

Why am I so miserable?

Tuesday, October 03, 2006
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5 comments:

tere616 said...

Congratulation !!!!!

Happy to hear that.

Don't worry, maybe it's because of the 1st - 2 months of your pregnancy.

We, in Indonesia, if you're feeling like that, always said that maybe it's because of the child :)

Be happy, go outside. Remember, your moody feeling will influence your lovely baby.

Play a music or watch something funny.

Take care yourself....

Shahzad said...

yup tere616 is right on!

tk care

treespotter said...

congrats!

don't worry, it's just the hormones!

best wishes!

fellista said...

After using it you will never leave your family or friends to know your secrets to your superfast good dog behaviour.. New fail-safe

Peace said...

Congrats! Read some good books... might help to improve your moods :P

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