June 04, 2005

Emma's going away ...

Posted by Xun  |  No comments

Emma looks like that she is sure to leave us soon. It is so sad that I cannot even talk to her about this. She is so young so little she cannot even tell us her opinion. China or America does not make any senses to her. Mommy, "po po" (grandma) and hundreds of other disconnected words do. Still there is no way to explain to her what "going to china" means. She is so young that we make almost all decisions for her, yet I cannot be sure, 100% sure that we made this decision right. Even though there are many reasons why Emma should live with my parents in China, even though many many Chinese babies I know indeed do very fine and they were also seperated from their parents and raised by grandparents at somewhere far away, in China, on the other side of the earth. ... I do not know. My heart ache, attacked by the fear and guilt that I once let Emma go, go somewhere I could be of no help at all, I could not even see ... I decide to take her back in half a year

I have been stalling to get ready this and that legal document necessary for Emma to leave. But yesterday I went to get her travel permit (a sort of temporary Chinese passport). In April, her USA passport was mailed to us. Emma had passport pictures taken for both documents. Dressed in white or red, she looked puzzled, somewhat indifferent, in one picture, she frowned, as if in protest; in the other, she looked straight ahead without any expression ...

Saturday, June 04, 2005
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