June 27, 2005

Emma is riding a horse
Everyday my sister sends me some pictures of Emma. (Yes, this little universe of ours orbits around Emma, she little beauty cutty only). And this one I love the most. She is riding two colorful horses outside an unimportant shop. Her smile wins the best smile baby award.

Riding a horse!

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Emma is riding a horse
Everyday my sister sends me some pictures of Emma. (Yes, this little universe of ours orbits around Emma, she little beauty cutty only). And this one I love the most. She is riding two colorful horses outside an unimportant shop. Her smile wins the best smile baby award.

Monday, June 27, 2005
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June 26, 2005

Because of Emma, my sister especially bought a digital camera and she sent me some pictures.


Since Emma left, the only way I got to know how Emma's doing is through telephone calls and sometimes emails from my sister. We called many times and every time we were told that Emma was doing wonderfully, also she seemed to be less shy as she was here. When she met other little toddlers, she would play with them. As usual, she has a great appetite, eating quite a lot and in a wide varieties. She has got a lot of fresh fish to eat. She gets along with my 13-year-old nephew. Still she is closer to my mom.

We all tried to get Emma talk to us. She just held the phone to her ear, not saying anything. I called over the phone: "Emma, Emma, talk to mommy!", "Emma, how are you?", "Emma, you forgot mommy?", "Emma, emma,can you call mommy?" She was always silent. I could hear my sisters and my parents talking to her "hey it is mommy ... say, hello mommy". She would not say. After a while, my sister took over the phone ...

I think I am fine, but I think about her a lot, a lot ... I miss her. I do not know if she really is as good as my parents described. But my mom always says, even when she was here, that Emma is always better when she is not with me. When she was with me, she seemed to be more needy. My mom said every baby behaved this way, it was called something like "sadness with mom."

She is in China

Posted by Xun  |  No comments

Because of Emma, my sister especially bought a digital camera and she sent me some pictures.


Since Emma left, the only way I got to know how Emma's doing is through telephone calls and sometimes emails from my sister. We called many times and every time we were told that Emma was doing wonderfully, also she seemed to be less shy as she was here. When she met other little toddlers, she would play with them. As usual, she has a great appetite, eating quite a lot and in a wide varieties. She has got a lot of fresh fish to eat. She gets along with my 13-year-old nephew. Still she is closer to my mom.

We all tried to get Emma talk to us. She just held the phone to her ear, not saying anything. I called over the phone: "Emma, Emma, talk to mommy!", "Emma, how are you?", "Emma, you forgot mommy?", "Emma, emma,can you call mommy?" She was always silent. I could hear my sisters and my parents talking to her "hey it is mommy ... say, hello mommy". She would not say. After a while, my sister took over the phone ...

I think I am fine, but I think about her a lot, a lot ... I miss her. I do not know if she really is as good as my parents described. But my mom always says, even when she was here, that Emma is always better when she is not with me. When she was with me, she seemed to be more needy. My mom said every baby behaved this way, it was called something like "sadness with mom."

Sunday, June 26, 2005
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June 21, 2005

This is seventh day living without emma, my twenty-months old daughter. I don't feel comfortable when I am home because it is too quiet. I decided to call her in order to make myself feel better. After a few ring, somebody picked up the phone on the another side of the Earth. It was my father-in-law, not my daughter. She was having her bath. My father-in-law reported that emma is doing very well in China. Great, so I don't need to worry too much. I ended up the phone without hearing emma's voice. Half an hour later, my father-in-law called back and asked emma to say something, to say "Dade". However, she didn't say anything. Did she forget me? Did she hate me because I let her go? Or, she just doesn't have moon to talk. I don't think she will know that I want to hear her voice as I want to see her, hold her - my dear little daughter.

The Seventh Day

Posted by Leo  |  No comments

This is seventh day living without emma, my twenty-months old daughter. I don't feel comfortable when I am home because it is too quiet. I decided to call her in order to make myself feel better. After a few ring, somebody picked up the phone on the another side of the Earth. It was my father-in-law, not my daughter. She was having her bath. My father-in-law reported that emma is doing very well in China. Great, so I don't need to worry too much. I ended up the phone without hearing emma's voice. Half an hour later, my father-in-law called back and asked emma to say something, to say "Dade". However, she didn't say anything. Did she forget me? Did she hate me because I let her go? Or, she just doesn't have moon to talk. I don't think she will know that I want to hear her voice as I want to see her, hold her - my dear little daughter.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005
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Emma learns to drawIt is last Tuesday that Emma left us for Chengdu, China. Without her, we got an empty and quiet place. She got a new happy noisy place in China. She got to know her aunts, her cousin, and I am sure, soon enough, my numerous relatives. When she left, she (or my mom) took barely anything, not any toys, clothes or books, for the reasons that 1. it was too hard to take too much luggage; 2. You can buy anything, everything cheaply in China. I know China is a good place where my parents live comfortably in their new apartment, Emma seemed to love China, her new place immediately. I called home a number of times, everytime my parents and sisters reported in excitement how well Emma has adapted. She hardly cried, she smiled all the time, she slept alone now and had this trantion smoothly. She liked her new toys and the playground in front of her building ...

I am both happy and somehow bitter, why, am I just so unimportant and dispensable to Emma?
Posted by Xun  |  No comments

Emma learns to drawIt is last Tuesday that Emma left us for Chengdu, China. Without her, we got an empty and quiet place. She got a new happy noisy place in China. She got to know her aunts, her cousin, and I am sure, soon enough, my numerous relatives. When she left, she (or my mom) took barely anything, not any toys, clothes or books, for the reasons that 1. it was too hard to take too much luggage; 2. You can buy anything, everything cheaply in China. I know China is a good place where my parents live comfortably in their new apartment, Emma seemed to love China, her new place immediately. I called home a number of times, everytime my parents and sisters reported in excitement how well Emma has adapted. She hardly cried, she smiled all the time, she slept alone now and had this trantion smoothly. She liked her new toys and the playground in front of her building ...

I am both happy and somehow bitter, why, am I just so unimportant and dispensable to Emma?

Tuesday, June 21, 2005
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June 14, 2005

Tuesday Emma left! Without being much cranky, she just left, disappeared from my sight. At the security check-in, she waved by-by to Leo and I after a few cries. It was like going out by-by. At night I called my father, she was still the happy Emma, she had milk, apple juice, she played with the people on the airplane, she went to sleep for hours, then woke up happy again.

Emma left

Posted by Xun  |  No comments

Tuesday Emma left! Without being much cranky, she just left, disappeared from my sight. At the security check-in, she waved by-by to Leo and I after a few cries. It was like going out by-by. At night I called my father, she was still the happy Emma, she had milk, apple juice, she played with the people on the airplane, she went to sleep for hours, then woke up happy again.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005
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June 08, 2005

Emma strides on the meadowIt is all summer now, with the sun, the heat, the beauty and the restlessness. Emma cannot stand the cold, she got a lot of heat rash.

Emma does not wear clothes, let alone diapers. Quite sometimes, after a bath, she refuses to put on anything. Naked, smiling, her little belly bulged, she walks briskly and happily around. It takes a lot of patience and skills to put her diapers on.

Still summer days are kind to little children. Every day after dinner, when the day is still bright and the wind cool, we take Emma, Emma takes her little green pail and purple shovel, to the lake. It is beautiful to watch the tides rolling, Emma always works hard collecting sand in her pail. She has fun throwing stones into the water. She is always picture perfect.

How I wish every day it could be like this!

Emma these days

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Emma strides on the meadowIt is all summer now, with the sun, the heat, the beauty and the restlessness. Emma cannot stand the cold, she got a lot of heat rash.

Emma does not wear clothes, let alone diapers. Quite sometimes, after a bath, she refuses to put on anything. Naked, smiling, her little belly bulged, she walks briskly and happily around. It takes a lot of patience and skills to put her diapers on.

Still summer days are kind to little children. Every day after dinner, when the day is still bright and the wind cool, we take Emma, Emma takes her little green pail and purple shovel, to the lake. It is beautiful to watch the tides rolling, Emma always works hard collecting sand in her pail. She has fun throwing stones into the water. She is always picture perfect.

How I wish every day it could be like this!

Wednesday, June 08, 2005
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June 04, 2005

Emma looks like that she is sure to leave us soon. It is so sad that I cannot even talk to her about this. She is so young so little she cannot even tell us her opinion. China or America does not make any senses to her. Mommy, "po po" (grandma) and hundreds of other disconnected words do. Still there is no way to explain to her what "going to china" means. She is so young that we make almost all decisions for her, yet I cannot be sure, 100% sure that we made this decision right. Even though there are many reasons why Emma should live with my parents in China, even though many many Chinese babies I know indeed do very fine and they were also seperated from their parents and raised by grandparents at somewhere far away, in China, on the other side of the earth. ... I do not know. My heart ache, attacked by the fear and guilt that I once let Emma go, go somewhere I could be of no help at all, I could not even see ... I decide to take her back in half a year

I have been stalling to get ready this and that legal document necessary for Emma to leave. But yesterday I went to get her travel permit (a sort of temporary Chinese passport). In April, her USA passport was mailed to us. Emma had passport pictures taken for both documents. Dressed in white or red, she looked puzzled, somewhat indifferent, in one picture, she frowned, as if in protest; in the other, she looked straight ahead without any expression ...

Emma's going away ...

Posted by Xun  |  No comments

Emma looks like that she is sure to leave us soon. It is so sad that I cannot even talk to her about this. She is so young so little she cannot even tell us her opinion. China or America does not make any senses to her. Mommy, "po po" (grandma) and hundreds of other disconnected words do. Still there is no way to explain to her what "going to china" means. She is so young that we make almost all decisions for her, yet I cannot be sure, 100% sure that we made this decision right. Even though there are many reasons why Emma should live with my parents in China, even though many many Chinese babies I know indeed do very fine and they were also seperated from their parents and raised by grandparents at somewhere far away, in China, on the other side of the earth. ... I do not know. My heart ache, attacked by the fear and guilt that I once let Emma go, go somewhere I could be of no help at all, I could not even see ... I decide to take her back in half a year

I have been stalling to get ready this and that legal document necessary for Emma to leave. But yesterday I went to get her travel permit (a sort of temporary Chinese passport). In April, her USA passport was mailed to us. Emma had passport pictures taken for both documents. Dressed in white or red, she looked puzzled, somewhat indifferent, in one picture, she frowned, as if in protest; in the other, she looked straight ahead without any expression ...

Saturday, June 04, 2005
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